My Mask - Me, Inside and Out

Judith Westerfield over at Creativity to the Max has facilitated workshops where the participants paint/color/collage...a mask that expresses their feelings.

A few months ago Judy sent me a mask to decorate, finally I have been feeling well enough to work on it.

As Judy suggested, I decorated the Outside, and the Inside of the mask.  The Outside shows what I show to every day people, those who don't know me well enough to know my health issues, or those I simply do not what to see the inner me.  The Inside shows how I feel about me, the things I only show with a few or keep to myself.  (If you read my other blog Picnic with Ants, you probably won't be surprised by the Inner Me, however, you may learn a little bit more about me.)

A dear friend once said, "If I had to describe you as a color, you'd be Yellow."
(Funny, it just so happens that my favorite color is Yellow!)
She explained, yellow is a happy color, full of light, life and joy.
I thought that was one of the best compliments I've ever received.
I realize now that I still try to put that Yellow Self forward.
She's the person I try to show others.
Miss Mary Sunshine.

Side view of my outer persona.

Inside, I'm much more complicated.
Below you will find close up views of my Inner Self.
You will notice many contradictory thoughts.
As I said...I'm complicated. 

For the inner part of the mask, I painted the face, then I cut out a bunch of words and some pictures from different magazines.  I then started looking through the words and just picked up the words that shouted at me.  I knew these words best described how I am feeling at the moment.  I didn't use a lot of pictures, the water running from my eye, the heart that seems to be leaking - broken, for a nose.

This was a great exercise. It helped me realize that I have very conflicting thoughts and emotions about myself, and that's OK.  I think it's normal to have these conflicts.  I'm not a machine or made with a cookie cutter, I'm a complicated woman!  I'm full of emotions, thoughts, and beliefs.  Over the mouth you will see the words "I Hate You", it's not unusual for me to tell myself that, but right beside it you will find the words "Easy to Love"...Sometimes I hate myself, but I remember to love myself too.  (often I just hate the things that are happening to me, not actually me.)
The one quote I find the most comforting, is "I'm beautiful on the Inside".

What Color is your emotions?

Once again, I found myself inspired by my good friend, Judith Westerfield's blog.
Creativity to the Max, is a fun and inspirational blog, you should check out if you haven't already!

Today she talked about How to Express Your Emotions Using Colors

So I did.  Most of the time she uses paint with her groups, but it can get a bit messy when in bed, so I used my computer.
I didn't erase anything.
I just picked a brush and a color, and let loose.

This is what I came up with:

Resented are Mad,  Sad, Glad, Fear, and Disgust.


This could not have come at a better time for me.
I feel like my emotions are all a jumble.
I noticed that Anger (or Mad) resembles a person, and seems to be holding on to Sad.  But Glad is trying hard to over come it.  Fear, feels much bigger in me...but he is hiding in the corner.  Afraid.
I was surprised to find Disgust leaking into everything.

I've been in this bed for so long, I haven't even been out side for 12 days, and the day I went outside, it was to go to the hospital and come home.

I'm sure if I looked back in my journal (other blog) I could figure out the last time I had a really good day, and was able to spend some time away from the house.

I remember the day before Thanksgiving, we braved the grocery store, we needed 2 things.  I almost broke down in tears and had a complete panic attack.  I wasn't feeling bad, not with the vertigo and such like I so very often do...no this was because of my hearing.  I couldn't tell which way sounds were coming from, I kept getting in people's way and didn't know it, people kept coming up behind me and scaring me.   I was in a huge grocery store, with Stuart close by, and I felt so isolated, and overwhelmed by stimuli at the same time.
I may never go in a grocery store again.  (I know that's a bit overly dramatic, but I usually shop at the Farmer's Market or our local Co-Op, both are much smaller, and more manageable.  Even if I did cry the last time I was at the Co-Op.)

Right now, life is a bit overwhelming.  I want to be mad at someone.  I feel I'm taking it out on Stuart, and he's really trying his best.  But I need to be mad at someone..I need to get some of this anger out.
I will...but I don't think I need to let it all out at once.  If I did, well, they might describe our house as another Chernobyl. Complete Melt Down.

Thanks Judith for giving me what I needed today.
I'd love to see how other's express their feelings with color....so send me some, or show them on your blog.
You can do it, it doesn't take long, and it gives you something tangible to focus those emotions on.

AEDM 5 - Letting go of the Inner Critic

My friend Judith Westerfield has a wonderful blog called Creativity to the Max.

Judy is a licensed Marriage, Family Therapist, Certified Clinical Hypnosis and Guided Imagery Therapist.

She teaches workshops in Creative Therapeutic Expression.  (I wish I lived close enough to attend them!)

Luckily for us she has a page on her blog for Tutorials.  I love going to her Tutorials page and letting myself go.

Last night I worked on Funsson Lesson #1.

Getting Rid my INNERTIC (Inner + Critic = Innertic) - 

For detailed instructions please see Judith's Tutorial page....plus you'll find lot's of other creative endeavors you can work on.

First she gives you instructions on how to create your INNERTIC, then comes the therapeutic part....

This is my INNERTIC:

My Innertic, "Mr. Notgoodenuf"
With messages I have for him written all around.

When you finish drawing out your Innertic, you finish it off.  First tell it off!  Write words and phrases that you want to tell your inner critic...hurt his feelings - make him leave you alone.

Next you destroy him!  That's right, scribble all over him, tear him up, heck...feed him to a goat!  (not one of Judith's suggestions, but if I had a goat that's what I'd do.)  

Get rid of your Innertic.

If he starts coming around again...repeat this exercise.

Free yourself from your inner critic!

This post is part of Art Every Day Month and NaBloPoMo..

Ladies - in progress...

I was visiting Sandy Coleman's Blog, Creations By Coleman, her paintings are often of women.  Women who have such passion, emotion, empowerment...they moved me.   Sandy's paintings are the inspiration for the ladies I've been working on for the past week.  Please, go by her blog and see her beautiful creations.  Be inspired, or just enjoy the view.

These are works in progress, but I thought I'd share them with you now..

There will be 3 versions of each.  A first version, completely in ink.  A second version, ink with hand coloring, and a third version, colored with Photoshop.

Here's my Nature Lady, in her ink version, that still needs to be cleaned up, and perhaps some added to it.

Nature Lady - Ink

Here's the Nature Lady in her Photoshop colored version.

(I haven't started the hand colored version yet.)

Nature - Colored in Photoshop

After looking at the Photoshop version here, I can see a couple of changes I'd like to make.

So look for an updated version soon.  

The next lady is Freedom.  When I started her I was thinking about how I often feel imprisoned (in my own home, by my own body...).  It's a nice prison.  But even the nicest prison is still a prison.    

Freedom - Ink

As always, I appreciate any feedback.  

And thanks for visiting.

Interviewing ME!

Amy over at Butterscape wanted to interview her readers, and since I've been reading her lately...

answer to #2 - yeah, got to be the eyes.

Here's my interview:




1. what is your name and stuff? and any other good information. like bank account details.My name is Wendy - middle name Gail....yes, my name sounds like a crazy storm!  And I am!I read voraciously...I need to draw...to create...it isn't something I can choose to do anymore..it is a need, not a desire.I am a lucky woman, I have a husband who is hot, supportive, loving, kind...a friend once described him as a lesbian in a man's body.  Guess I get the best of both worlds.  We have 2 furry children.  Sandy who is a teenager! (which really means she's a very old dog, but acts like she's not.)  And Max, the cat with many claws (he's polydactyl) and his body fits his very large feet!  A clumsy cat.
Bank Account details....Hubby.
2. what is super hot about you?  <--- don't you Dare skip this one.  answer it.
Well, let's see...there is so much...after all, just like the song...I'm Fabulous! (If you watched Phineas and Ferb you would get that).  I've always liked my eyes. Hubby would say...boobs!   I must admit for a 48 year old woman, I do have a nice rack.   All I really know is, after 10 years of being together, my husband still thinks I'm the hottest thing ever...so let's not wake him from that fantasy....OK?
3.  don't lie or cheat: what is under your couch right now?Probably nothing.  We recently cleaned.Could be a plate - the dog licks it (don't you dare say gross...they are washed afterward...she's 19 and has cancer, she can have whatever she wants!)  Anyway...some always seem to end up under the couch.I wish, it was 3 forks...I'm missing 3 forks...how can you just lose 3 forks?
4.  when was the last time you shaved your legs?Monday - I had a medical procedure on Tuesday, and didn't want to be hairy.Then I didn't even have to take my pants off...go figure!
5.  what did you have for breakfast?This morning...well, I had insomnia last night...OK, really I was sick. So I didn't get to sleep until after 5am.So I woke up after 1pm...I had lunch.  Chicken and Spinach.
6. if you could choose a new name, what would you name yourself?I actually like my name...hey, I'm a natural disaster...a force to be reckoned with...I am Wendy Gail (yeah, I know it's spelled differently...but just listen to the words...and think...Man, she is full of hot air!
7.  have you ever had plastic surgery?No, but I've had my share of regular surgery.I'm not vain enough to hurt for beauty.
8. are you afraid of the dark?Ummm...sometimes....I really try to never be in complete darkness.I have a vestibular disorder, so I can't tell which way is up, down, sideways....in the dark.I prefer the dim.  I get lost in the dark.
9. are you a hermit?Yes, probably, but sometimes not by choice.
10.  why do you blog?It is a release.  I started blogging when I found out I had food intolerances, wanted to keep up with what I could eat and help others deal with it....then I got very sick with Meniere's Disease +plus some other stuff, but the Meniere's was kicking my ass.  I needed support, and couldn't find anyone...so I reached out...and found a life line.  Now, I help others, they help me..it's a great give and take.
Also, I have this blog, where I talk about how much art is helping me deal with having a Chronic Illness.
so why do I blog?  In a way, it's therapy.OK, the real answer -I like to talk - I probably talk too much....when you are a hermit, how else do you get to talk so much?You blog!
The End.
If you want to start reading Amy's blog and be interviewed...check it out!http://butterscape.blogspot.com/2011/10/my-precious.html