Has it really been that long since I last posted here?

Wow!
This whole site looks different too.  I've really been out of the loop.
I must say the Meniere's ran my life for quite a while there.

On the 19th I had surgery to ger a Cochlear Implant.  On the 31st, I received the processor.  I have quite a bit of hearing therapy to go through.  I can hear words, but people need to talk slower, and everyone sounds like a strange cartoon character, or like they just huffed helium.  It's odd, but I'm making headway already.

Thought I'd post a few things I've done while I was gone.  Not everything....just a few.
I need to get back in tuned with my creative side to help my emotional and physical side.

My husband and I were taking a ASL (American Sign Language) class.  I decided to surprise him with this message on our chalk board.

 The message says, "I Love You. Stuart"  Sorry it's so pale, I hope you can see it.

My 2012 Book of Days Journal.  It's hard to see the details, it shimmers all over.

The January Introduction Page.

An illustration that went with an entry.  This book now has many secrets, drawings, and simple subjects of life.

I draw sill cartoon people while watching TV.  I admit, I watch a lot of cartoons.  This drawing is part of two characters.

Just a Silly drawing.  I had some swirls on the page and made them into her!

Another character from a cartoon.

I bought some inks.  This is the first attempt at coloring with inks.  Yes, I have a lot to learn.  But it was fun.  I love the transparency of the inks.

I really hope to be doing more art to share.  I am creating, not as much as I'd like but I have been creating.  However, I'm not having as much vertigo now, and it's much easier to create when your head isn't spinning.  : )
Right now I'm reading - Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain.  I have a very old edition, I wonder what the new edition is like?  I'll be posting some of the exercises I complete from that book soon.

Have a creative day.

Starting...a little Fairy

This is supposed to be a surprise for a friend.  Actually, 2 friends, they don't know each other, each likes fairy's so they were both being thought of when I started her.  So I wasn't going to post her until I finished her and gave her to these two special people.  But she's been sitting around for a while now just waiting for me to make up my mind what to do next.

She doesn't understand that my eyes aren't quite focusing properly, and my head hurts a lot, she just wants to be beautiful and spread her loving coyness to those for whom she is intended.

So at this point, she's a gift for all of you.  She isn't finished...but she's getting there.

(To V:  I know...I said I don't draw fairies...but I love you.)

To a few artists out there, you may see this fairy and think...hey she looks like a fairy I drew, and you are probably right.  Sorry.  I looked at a LOT of fairy drawings to come up with this little lady. Unfortunately I didn't keep up with all of you.  If you notice your style hidden in her, please feel free to leave a comment and let me know.  I promise, it's meant as a compliment!!!  I did not mean to copy any work.

For Phylor and Vincent.
You will have a finished version at some point, I promise!

To My Husband

Everyday He Loves Me

He holds my hair as my world spins

leaving me a wretched mess.

He brings me food

washes my body

cares for our home

He holds me

comforts me

helps me fight my battles.

He kisses me

caresses me

loves every part of me

To him I am no burden-

He loves me.

Everyday He Loves Me.

He watches me get my hopes up-

and holds me when they fall.

The words are so nice to hear,

but so easy to say.

Every day, he shows he loves me.

How can I write a tribute to a man who has given me so much?

The words seem to lose their potency after leaving my heart.

How do I express how much I love him?

My heart swells with emotions and words that will not come forth.

This man who shows his love each and every day.

Sometimes my Caregiver,

Often my Lover,

Always my Champion,

Forever my Hero,

My Husband,

My Friend.

I love you more than words can say.

My Worlds

For the past 12 days I've been battling with vertigo on a daily basis.  (if you want details please see my other blog Picnic with Ants.)
One night while I was up with slosh head but not completely spinning, I wrote this:

image by oldmanriver  Deviant Art

I live in a different world than you.

My body tries to exist in your world.

But my brain, my inner being, 

does not belong.

Her world is constantly in motion,

ever spinning, faster and faster...

I try to stay in your world,

My inner world frightens me.

Torn in two.

Part cannot exist in this world, 

the pull from the other is so strong.

Part cannot exist in the horrors of the other.

Ever searching to become whole.

To no longer be afraid.

Ever searching to understand.

Do I belong in the world in which I feel safer?

Or am I doomed to the world of constant motion?

The spinning, spinning, constant spinning.

Never feeling solid ground beneath my feet.

Where do I belong?

Or am I ever fated to live a life with a foot in each world?

(living with Vertigo)

My Mask - Me, Inside and Out

Judith Westerfield over at Creativity to the Max has facilitated workshops where the participants paint/color/collage...a mask that expresses their feelings.

A few months ago Judy sent me a mask to decorate, finally I have been feeling well enough to work on it.

As Judy suggested, I decorated the Outside, and the Inside of the mask.  The Outside shows what I show to every day people, those who don't know me well enough to know my health issues, or those I simply do not what to see the inner me.  The Inside shows how I feel about me, the things I only show with a few or keep to myself.  (If you read my other blog Picnic with Ants, you probably won't be surprised by the Inner Me, however, you may learn a little bit more about me.)

A dear friend once said, "If I had to describe you as a color, you'd be Yellow."
(Funny, it just so happens that my favorite color is Yellow!)
She explained, yellow is a happy color, full of light, life and joy.
I thought that was one of the best compliments I've ever received.
I realize now that I still try to put that Yellow Self forward.
She's the person I try to show others.
Miss Mary Sunshine.

Side view of my outer persona.

Inside, I'm much more complicated.
Below you will find close up views of my Inner Self.
You will notice many contradictory thoughts.
As I said...I'm complicated. 

For the inner part of the mask, I painted the face, then I cut out a bunch of words and some pictures from different magazines.  I then started looking through the words and just picked up the words that shouted at me.  I knew these words best described how I am feeling at the moment.  I didn't use a lot of pictures, the water running from my eye, the heart that seems to be leaking - broken, for a nose.

This was a great exercise. It helped me realize that I have very conflicting thoughts and emotions about myself, and that's OK.  I think it's normal to have these conflicts.  I'm not a machine or made with a cookie cutter, I'm a complicated woman!  I'm full of emotions, thoughts, and beliefs.  Over the mouth you will see the words "I Hate You", it's not unusual for me to tell myself that, but right beside it you will find the words "Easy to Love"...Sometimes I hate myself, but I remember to love myself too.  (often I just hate the things that are happening to me, not actually me.)
The one quote I find the most comforting, is "I'm beautiful on the Inside".

How I feel today in Color.

A quick post.

This is how I feel today, actually how I've been feeling most of the week.

Happy Thoughts

Hope you are having Happy Days.

I've had a pretty good week.  After a rough start at the beginning, the week ended up being pretty darn good.  I was more active than I've been in a long time.  : )

Revisiting with Color

Recently, I've been looking at some of my work and decided to revisit some of them.

It was suggested after my last post that I add color to all of the stack drawings.  As requested, you can see two of the stacks colored below....

Stacked Boxes with Color

"WENDY" stack with color.
I'm afraid WENDY may be a bit lost with all the color.
I do like coloring the background, that's different for me with my designs.

I also revisited the Mystery Woman.  Not sure I'm finished with her, and may start again...but she's so mysterious she just isn't talking to me much, I do wish she'd tell me what she would prefer.

Mystery Woman with Color

For all of the work above, I scanned the original images and have been playing around with the colors on Photoshop.

With all of my health issues, it's nice to be able to lose myself in my art.

The Meniere's has been being nice lately.  When I do feel a bit of vertigo, it either doesn't last long, or my medication has been keeping the nasty spells away.

I'm still having some balance problems, but I'm only 1 1/2 months into my 3 month recovery.  I'm still very hopeful this surgery will help reduce the vertigo attacks to the point that I can be more active.

Trying hard to get back in the swing of things to create something every day, even if I don't completely finish something, I try to do a little every day.

One day last week I created a new recipe for Chicken Alfredo.  I'm so happy to be getting back in the kitchen again.  I haven't been able to cook every day, but I'm cooking much more than I have in the past few months.  (another way I like to create!)  

Creating art comes in many different forms.  I enjoy drawing, painting...all kinds of art, but I also enjoy cooking, and gardening.

  

What kind of creating do you like to do?  

A New Year...time to get Creative.

After my surgery on December 1st, I couldn't do much creating for some time.  December was not a month for being creative.  Well, not artistically anyway.  I did have to get creative about things like, how to get to the bathroom, how to take a bath, what I could eat....creation abounded, simply not any I could easily share, or that would really mean much to anyone but me.

I find it very hard to get started posting again after I've been away for a while.  But I'm doing it!

The little bit of drawing I've done recently has taken days to do each piece, instead of completing something in one night.  The slosh head feeling and migraines have not been friendly to me.

I saw on someone's blog (darn'it I can't remember who) that they tried something called Repeated Stacking Patterns they saw on The Rainbow Elephant.  So I tried my hand at it to get me started again.  It has been fun.

Hope you Enjoy.

Happy New Year!  Stack Design.

This was my first Repeated Stacking Pattern,
and in a lot of ways it's still my favorite.

First Pattern colored with Photoshop.

Stacking Boxes....or maybe more presents!
Celebrate Christmas all year long!
I think I should color this one, looks like it'd be fun.

Playing with my name.
Just being a kid again.

What Color is your emotions?

Once again, I found myself inspired by my good friend, Judith Westerfield's blog.
Creativity to the Max, is a fun and inspirational blog, you should check out if you haven't already!

Today she talked about How to Express Your Emotions Using Colors

So I did.  Most of the time she uses paint with her groups, but it can get a bit messy when in bed, so I used my computer.
I didn't erase anything.
I just picked a brush and a color, and let loose.

This is what I came up with:

Resented are Mad,  Sad, Glad, Fear, and Disgust.


This could not have come at a better time for me.
I feel like my emotions are all a jumble.
I noticed that Anger (or Mad) resembles a person, and seems to be holding on to Sad.  But Glad is trying hard to over come it.  Fear, feels much bigger in me...but he is hiding in the corner.  Afraid.
I was surprised to find Disgust leaking into everything.

I've been in this bed for so long, I haven't even been out side for 12 days, and the day I went outside, it was to go to the hospital and come home.

I'm sure if I looked back in my journal (other blog) I could figure out the last time I had a really good day, and was able to spend some time away from the house.

I remember the day before Thanksgiving, we braved the grocery store, we needed 2 things.  I almost broke down in tears and had a complete panic attack.  I wasn't feeling bad, not with the vertigo and such like I so very often do...no this was because of my hearing.  I couldn't tell which way sounds were coming from, I kept getting in people's way and didn't know it, people kept coming up behind me and scaring me.   I was in a huge grocery store, with Stuart close by, and I felt so isolated, and overwhelmed by stimuli at the same time.
I may never go in a grocery store again.  (I know that's a bit overly dramatic, but I usually shop at the Farmer's Market or our local Co-Op, both are much smaller, and more manageable.  Even if I did cry the last time I was at the Co-Op.)

Right now, life is a bit overwhelming.  I want to be mad at someone.  I feel I'm taking it out on Stuart, and he's really trying his best.  But I need to be mad at someone..I need to get some of this anger out.
I will...but I don't think I need to let it all out at once.  If I did, well, they might describe our house as another Chernobyl. Complete Melt Down.

Thanks Judith for giving me what I needed today.
I'd love to see how other's express their feelings with color....so send me some, or show them on your blog.
You can do it, it doesn't take long, and it gives you something tangible to focus those emotions on.

I can't believe it's been so long!

Wow, I simply can't believe it has been so long since I posted.

I really don't have a lot to share.

I colored a tree...I like it a lot...I think it will be an e-Christmas Card.  I'm simply not up to doing much more than that.  : )

The doctor says the surgery went well, I had constant vertigo for a week, and it's still coming and going, but I'm much better than I was a week ago!!

Here's my cute little tree:

I drew this little tree in ink, and colored it in Photoshop.

Here is a work in progress.

I showed you  a HOPE design, but I simply didn't like it, I felt he letter for HOPE got lost in the design, so I started over.

HOPE - before coloring.
I will be hand coloring this version, as I plan to give it as a gift.
(and we all know my color printer kind of sucks!)
This one has many of the same doodles in it the first one did,
but I changed some things, and think I like this one better.
I didn't use a lot of black areas, I will probably add some later,
 but wasn't sure what I might want to color.
So this doesn't stand alone very well,
the colored version is on it's way.

There are a few more things I could add, not much, the recovery from this surgery has been brutal.

I will post them as soon as I'm up to using the scanner.  Yes, I know it's not that hard, but I do have to get out of bed.  : )  Not something I've been able to do much lately.

Hope to post more, and come around to see all of you soon.

May your holidays be happy, and filled with joy!

Remember, Christmas isn't about all the stress, hustle, and bustle...it's about giving.  I'm not talking about presents, I mean giving of yourself.  Showing people you care.  Be nice to a stranger, help your neighbor....  

Be Happy and you will light up someone's day!

and remember try to keep this spirit of Christmas all year long!

Wrapping up November.

I may not have been able to post every day, but I did try to create, something, everyday.
Sometimes even the smallest doodle can be a great accomplishment.

My husband has only once asked me to draw something for him.
He asked for a butterfly design.
I'm pretty proud of this one....he likes it a lot too.
Next, I'll play with some colors for it, but I really like it as it is.
(This took me a couple of days to complete.)

This Doodle was done in three parts, over three days.
I can tell exactly where one day started and another began.
The moods definitely change from one segment to another, and it has little cohesion.

Some of these things I'm surprised I'm showing,
 but even silly little critter sketches can help me feel better on days when it's difficult to even move my head.

Thinking about headaches, and surgery coming up tomorrow.
This was a very therapeutic sketch.

I just drew a shape, and it became this Silly Goose.
I love the cute little expression he has about getting a gift.

Another sketch from a shape I drew.
I can't decide if she's in pain, singing, depressed....or perhaps she just slipped and bonked her head. 

Barbershop Quartet Singer.
Another drawing that started a just a little shape, and turned into this funny man.

Starting to think about Christmas.

Happy Holidays!

With this, and the next couple of sketches, I was experimenting a little with some portraiture.
I must say, it's nearly impossible for me to get proportions right when I'm lying down.
(see how the eyes are straight)

I

This was still in progress,
She would end up with a cool design cloth draped over her head, but the eyes are too far apart, I may never get back to her.

I don't even know why I'm sharing this one with you.
She is so out of proportion.
I admit the angle is a bit odd, but there are so many corrections needed for this piece,
I think it'll probably be time to just start over.

 There were a few more sketches, and a couple of things that are still in progress that I've been working on a little.  My ladies - Nature, Freedom, and the Mystery lady - have all hit points where I'm not sure what to do next.  I keep trying things on the computer to see if I'll like it before working on the original drawing, and nothing is working like I want it to so far.  But I have been working on them....I'm sure they'll show me who they want to become soon.

Tomorrow is surgery day.  (I guess technically today, I didn't notice it was so late!)
I have to be at the hospital at 11:30am.  Surgery is at 2pm.  Not sure how much art I'll be getting done for the first few days.  Hopefully, at least a silly little sketch or two!
But I need to remember to

You may remember this drawing I posted earlier in it's black and white version.
I think the color adds a lot!

For those of you who don't know, and are somewhat interested.  The surgery I'm having tomorrow is on my left ear, and will hopefully help control the vertigo I've been having.  I had this same surgery on my right ear nearly 2 years ago, we think it helped control the vertigo being caused by that ear, if it works for this ear, I could be looking at more days up right!!

The surgery is called Endolymphatic Sac Enhancement Surgery.  The endolymphatic sac is located right under and too the back side of your ear.  For people with Meniere's this sac fills with too much fluid and that creates havoc with the delicate "balance" of things.  (pun intended)
You can go here http://www.pehni.com/patient_ed/endolymphaticsac.htm  to read a little more about the surgery.  It's very hard to find exact information about it on the internet.  I think that is because different doctors do this surgery in different ways.  Some decompress the sac, some add a shunt, some simply remove the bone and create a larger area for the endolymphatic sac so it can expand without leaking.  This is what my doctor does.

Looking forward to creating more as I heal.

Please Forgive the Lapse in Posting...and thank you Judy!!

I'm so sorry I haven't been posting lately.

I've been dealing with some major issues with the Meniere's Disease.  Vertigo nearly every day, has severely limited what I can do.  I have drawn some, worked on some things in progress, ect....but I need to scan them, and that I haven't gotten to.

I'm having Surgery on Thursday, December 1st.  This surgery will hopefully help with the vertigo.  If it doesn't stop it, it will at least hopefully slow it down quite a bit.

Judy Westerfield

Max!

I would like to thank Judy Westerfield and Max over at Creativity to the Max, for the encouragement and healing wishes, and for putting up a post featuring Mr. Notgoodenuf, you may remember him from a previous post.

Here is a link to her post.  She is the therapist who suggested this exercise, so hearing her take on Mr. Notgoodenuf, was thrilling.
http://judithwesterfield.wordpress.com/2011/11/28/mr-notgoodenuf-shows-his-face/comment-page-1/#comment-3361

I promise to post some of my recent work soon...very soon...I don't feel I've been as prolific as I was being, but I've made some strides, and some set backs, but that just shows I still have much to learn.   And I'm going to have fun doing it!!!

Hope you are all enjoying this holiday season.