Under Pressure

http://e336.deviantart.com/

Pressure
Building...
Building...
In my head.


Pain,
Spots,
Waves,
Spinning
In my head.


Can't Remember
Confused
Why
Where


My Brain
Under Pressure..




(I found out I have Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertention.  This means I have unexplained high cerebrospinal fluid pressure in my head surrounding my brain.  The symptoms often mimic those of a brain tumor.  I'm on medication right now, but it isn't working as hoped. They may change my medication soon.  I will have another Lumbar Puncture soon.  I may have to have a shunt put in to reduce the pressure.)


All this is pretty scary.
and it is affecting my vision in an awful way.
I'm not sure how much art I will be able to do, but I will find a way to do something.
Soon.


Until then,
I hope you enjoy my rambling.

wendy 2012

Starting...a little Fairy

This is supposed to be a surprise for a friend.  Actually, 2 friends, they don't know each other, each likes fairy's so they were both being thought of when I started her.  So I wasn't going to post her until I finished her and gave her to these two special people.  But she's been sitting around for a while now just waiting for me to make up my mind what to do next.

She doesn't understand that my eyes aren't quite focusing properly, and my head hurts a lot, she just wants to be beautiful and spread her loving coyness to those for whom she is intended.

So at this point, she's a gift for all of you.  She isn't finished...but she's getting there.

(To V:  I know...I said I don't draw fairies...but I love you.)

To a few artists out there, you may see this fairy and think...hey she looks like a fairy I drew, and you are probably right.  Sorry.  I looked at a LOT of fairy drawings to come up with this little lady. Unfortunately I didn't keep up with all of you.  If you notice your style hidden in her, please feel free to leave a comment and let me know.  I promise, it's meant as a compliment!!!  I did not mean to copy any work.

For Phylor and Vincent.
You will have a finished version at some point, I promise!

To My Husband

Everyday He Loves Me

He holds my hair as my world spins

leaving me a wretched mess.

He brings me food

washes my body

cares for our home

He holds me

comforts me

helps me fight my battles.

He kisses me

caresses me

loves every part of me

To him I am no burden-

He loves me.

Everyday He Loves Me.

He watches me get my hopes up-

and holds me when they fall.

The words are so nice to hear,

but so easy to say.

Every day, he shows he loves me.

How can I write a tribute to a man who has given me so much?

The words seem to lose their potency after leaving my heart.

How do I express how much I love him?

My heart swells with emotions and words that will not come forth.

This man who shows his love each and every day.

Sometimes my Caregiver,

Often my Lover,

Always my Champion,

Forever my Hero,

My Husband,

My Friend.

I love you more than words can say.

A New Year...time to get Creative.

After my surgery on December 1st, I couldn't do much creating for some time.  December was not a month for being creative.  Well, not artistically anyway.  I did have to get creative about things like, how to get to the bathroom, how to take a bath, what I could eat....creation abounded, simply not any I could easily share, or that would really mean much to anyone but me.

I find it very hard to get started posting again after I've been away for a while.  But I'm doing it!

The little bit of drawing I've done recently has taken days to do each piece, instead of completing something in one night.  The slosh head feeling and migraines have not been friendly to me.

I saw on someone's blog (darn'it I can't remember who) that they tried something called Repeated Stacking Patterns they saw on The Rainbow Elephant.  So I tried my hand at it to get me started again.  It has been fun.

Hope you Enjoy.

Happy New Year!  Stack Design.

This was my first Repeated Stacking Pattern,
and in a lot of ways it's still my favorite.

First Pattern colored with Photoshop.

Stacking Boxes....or maybe more presents!
Celebrate Christmas all year long!
I think I should color this one, looks like it'd be fun.

Playing with my name.
Just being a kid again.

Wrapping up November.

I may not have been able to post every day, but I did try to create, something, everyday.
Sometimes even the smallest doodle can be a great accomplishment.

My husband has only once asked me to draw something for him.
He asked for a butterfly design.
I'm pretty proud of this one....he likes it a lot too.
Next, I'll play with some colors for it, but I really like it as it is.
(This took me a couple of days to complete.)

This Doodle was done in three parts, over three days.
I can tell exactly where one day started and another began.
The moods definitely change from one segment to another, and it has little cohesion.

Some of these things I'm surprised I'm showing,
 but even silly little critter sketches can help me feel better on days when it's difficult to even move my head.

Thinking about headaches, and surgery coming up tomorrow.
This was a very therapeutic sketch.

I just drew a shape, and it became this Silly Goose.
I love the cute little expression he has about getting a gift.

Another sketch from a shape I drew.
I can't decide if she's in pain, singing, depressed....or perhaps she just slipped and bonked her head. 

Barbershop Quartet Singer.
Another drawing that started a just a little shape, and turned into this funny man.

Starting to think about Christmas.

Happy Holidays!

With this, and the next couple of sketches, I was experimenting a little with some portraiture.
I must say, it's nearly impossible for me to get proportions right when I'm lying down.
(see how the eyes are straight)

I

This was still in progress,
She would end up with a cool design cloth draped over her head, but the eyes are too far apart, I may never get back to her.

I don't even know why I'm sharing this one with you.
She is so out of proportion.
I admit the angle is a bit odd, but there are so many corrections needed for this piece,
I think it'll probably be time to just start over.

 There were a few more sketches, and a couple of things that are still in progress that I've been working on a little.  My ladies - Nature, Freedom, and the Mystery lady - have all hit points where I'm not sure what to do next.  I keep trying things on the computer to see if I'll like it before working on the original drawing, and nothing is working like I want it to so far.  But I have been working on them....I'm sure they'll show me who they want to become soon.

Tomorrow is surgery day.  (I guess technically today, I didn't notice it was so late!)
I have to be at the hospital at 11:30am.  Surgery is at 2pm.  Not sure how much art I'll be getting done for the first few days.  Hopefully, at least a silly little sketch or two!
But I need to remember to

You may remember this drawing I posted earlier in it's black and white version.
I think the color adds a lot!

For those of you who don't know, and are somewhat interested.  The surgery I'm having tomorrow is on my left ear, and will hopefully help control the vertigo I've been having.  I had this same surgery on my right ear nearly 2 years ago, we think it helped control the vertigo being caused by that ear, if it works for this ear, I could be looking at more days up right!!

The surgery is called Endolymphatic Sac Enhancement Surgery.  The endolymphatic sac is located right under and too the back side of your ear.  For people with Meniere's this sac fills with too much fluid and that creates havoc with the delicate "balance" of things.  (pun intended)
You can go here http://www.pehni.com/patient_ed/endolymphaticsac.htm  to read a little more about the surgery.  It's very hard to find exact information about it on the internet.  I think that is because different doctors do this surgery in different ways.  Some decompress the sac, some add a shunt, some simply remove the bone and create a larger area for the endolymphatic sac so it can expand without leaking.  This is what my doctor does.

Looking forward to creating more as I heal.

A Beautiful Day!

Today I had a really good day.  Minimal headache, minimal pain, minimal balance issues...a really good day.

I took my lunch out on our back porch and enjoyed the nice weather (70's F, with a breeze).  Hubby was getting the last few things that our garden produced.  Some catnip for Max the cat, some hot peppers, and one last tiny leak.  There's still a little bit of arugula, but not enough to do anything with.  Perhaps if I buy some salad greens I'll mix it in.  Unfortunately, our garden didn't do much this year.  Shortly after we planted, and things started growing, I got sicker.  So it didn't get watered, or taken care of much at all.  We did get a number of tomatoes, a bunch of potatoes and shallots....but that's about it.  (other than herbs, the herbs did well.  Now it's drying time.)

While I was sitting out enjoying the great weather, there was a gust of wind and a whirlwind of leaves came blowing off the trees, it was beautiful.  They were dancing through the sky, their last waltz.  I had a giggle.

I came in and created this.  A little sketch on Photoshop.  It really doesn't do the scene justice, but it makes me feel good inside from the memories.

The Last Dance.
Leaves blowing in the wind.

AEDM - Catching up. Days 6 - 13

I really have been doing some kind of art work every day, but I haven't been well enough to scan it and post about it.  Today, I'll be catching you up on what I've been doing

November 6th
Started Coloring this Hope design, afraid the word is getting lost.
I think this may just be too busy. 

Design Nov. 6th

Design Nov. 7th
Exploring Paisley.

2nd Design Nov. 7th
A bit different from my normal designs.
I like part of it, but not all of it.
However, I do like the more simplistic elements of this design.

Design Nov. 8th
Discovering Blue Ink.
Colored inks seem to look better on this off white paper.

Design Nov. 9th
Not crazy about how this turned out.  I like it better before I colored in the circular area.

Design Nov. 10th
Another exploration with Paisley.

Design Nov. 11th
Originally this was going to say "Respect", I made the letters too big for the paper.
I haven't been sleeping well lately, so I thought Rest would be a good reminder for me.

2nd Design Nov. 11th
This is a bit different for me, just plain and straight forward.
However, the red makes it look a bit angry, that wasn't what I was going for.
I'll try again for a better Strength design.

Design Nov. 12th
Just started doodling, and this came out.
I like this one, reminds me of a Sepia Toned print.
Reminiscent of the Art Deco period.

Today, Nov. 13th, I had a horrible migraine,
and the tinnitus coming from my left ear was so very loud.
I drew how I was feeling.
Not a pretty picture, but it made me feel better to get it out.

.

http://creativeeveryday.com/art-every-day-month

This post is part of Art Every Day Month.

Sketches from Sept. 28th - October 9th.

**Yes, I have been playing around with my blog...and I'm sure I'm not finished yet.  If you visited on Sunday right after this was originally posted, you probably saw a number a different looks.
Please, bear with me, I'm fickle lately.  : )


Before I post the things I've been working on, I'd like to make sure everyone notices the the new tab at the top of the blog: Gallery Of My Older Work.  For those of you who have been curious about what I was doing before I got sick and took a long hiatus from creating art, I posted some pictures of a sampling from those years.  This is not complete.  It doesn't include any of my photography, I may do that later.  However, I think you will find it interesting.  I was surprised to find how many patterns I included in a lot of my old work.


Now, on to what I've been doing the last 11 days.  I am happy to say, I have created something every day!  Yes, I'm still bed bound, so I'm limited in my mediums.  One day, I'll branch out and work on some more art that is releasing.  (like collages, and masks....things we can do to express more of our feelings.)

September 28th - October 9th

Another Journal Entry...
I missed another friend's birthday party.
I miss my friends. That has been the hardest part about dealing with being ill.

Hubby said this should be named Cthulhu...that started cracks about Krakens...and all kinds of creatures.  Until, I shouted, "Help, a Kraken ate my Dingo!"  Then we cracked up, and even though my head was hurting, and I was dizzy, it was a good time.
 (It's the little things that get you through the day.)

A variety of sketches.
Much of my sketch book looks something like this, or a bit less refined.  I have shaved you from the more messy variations.

Another Sketch.  I like Round things.

More Roundness.

Rough Sketch, trying out some new things, and combinations.

These were inspired by Henna Tattoos.

I could not figure out if this was finished, or what else I might like to do with it.  may play with some color...I just don't know....but that's the way it is sometimes..at least for me.

My hubby, Stuart, loves these big bulbous designs, so I decided to make one just for him!  There is not bottom or top, but he likes it this way.
I just squiggled some lines on the page and filled them in.
But that's the way a lot of these designs start.

Lady with the Wild Hair.
What is she looking at?

My first lady drawing with patterns.
I call her Cheeks.

My image of ME.

I awoke from a dream thinking about this, scrbbled on a piece of paper I keep by my bed.  "Eye"
I drew the eye first, then added things.  At first, I really didn't think this was going to work, but now...I really like it.
While I was drawing this I was thinking about how much I have insomnia lately, and want to enter the dream word that beckons me.

Speaking of insomnia, I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep, and this idea came to me.  I had to draw it right then!
I turned on the light and got busy.
This window is very representational of how I feel about things right now.
The upper left represents how the vertigo (and my illness in general) makes me feel like a prisoner.
The lower left, represents how tangled my emotions are.
The lower right, shows a ball breaking out of the window.  This represents my attempts to break away from being defined by my illness, and fighting to get better.
The upper right, represents the liberation I'm feeling lately.
I feel more confident, more productive....  
I realized recently that as much as I've been an advocate for myself in the medical world, 
I wasn't taking up for myself in the real world.


This is one of my most favorite pieces, because it has so much of me in it.
Finally, I'm realizing, 
I do love me, no matter how my body is treating me.