Under Pressure

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Pressure
Building...
Building...
In my head.


Pain,
Spots,
Waves,
Spinning
In my head.


Can't Remember
Confused
Why
Where


My Brain
Under Pressure..




(I found out I have Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertention.  This means I have unexplained high cerebrospinal fluid pressure in my head surrounding my brain.  The symptoms often mimic those of a brain tumor.  I'm on medication right now, but it isn't working as hoped. They may change my medication soon.  I will have another Lumbar Puncture soon.  I may have to have a shunt put in to reduce the pressure.)


All this is pretty scary.
and it is affecting my vision in an awful way.
I'm not sure how much art I will be able to do, but I will find a way to do something.
Soon.


Until then,
I hope you enjoy my rambling.

wendy 2012

Posts for the Week. Much more than I thought!

When I thought about posting this week, I kept thinking...I really haven't done much.  But I was wrong!

No I haven't completed a lot.  I've been writing in my journal much more.  And I'm recuperating from a minor surgery on Wednesday.

So this post is full of little sketches, partially finished drawings that will hopefully become more, and a lot of hearts...yes, hearts...I'm trying to come up with a good design for a card for my father-in-law's up coming wedding.   I would love to hear if you like any of them...all need work, but I think some have possibilities.  Remember, this couple is in their 70's, so some things that I might normally do, just wouldn't work.

So a lot of here and there this week, but it shows that I'm still determined to create.  It really does help me get some emotions out, and to feel like I have a goal.  I believe it is so very important for a person who has a chronic illness that has taken so much of their previous ("normal") life away, we must find goals we can accomplish, and look at things a different way.  Even when you have to take things just one day at a time, you can still look to the future.  My future is often just tomorrow, or even a few hours, but it's my future, and I'll get there.  One goal at a time.

The drawings in this post couldn't be scanned, so I took pictures instead.  (many are from my journal and it won't lie flat.  Other's are from a large sketch pad that doesn't fit in the scanner.)

From my journal.  Feeling lonely.

Journal Sketch.  I tried to write a poem about my pain but it just wouldn't come.

Journal Sketch.  All about the Lumbar Punctures and Cerebrospinal Fluid Patches.
Notice the CT scan, the needles, pills, and the maze I'm trying to get out of..
Also, you might see, that I drew a broken heart, but changed it.  It's not broken, just cracked a little.

Journal Sketch.

More sketches while journaling.

yes, another journal sketch.  Perhaps I'll finish this one.
Maybe not.

Journal Sketch number??? At first I was trying to figure out how to draw a vortex, or something like it to add to a journal entry.
Then I got that freaky looking eye, in the upper right.
Which led to the other freaky eyes and such.
Stuart says it looks like a tree man. (he loves the eyes, such a funny man)

OK, I told you I did a log of writing in my journal this week.
And while I'm writing...my mind wanders, or I need to clear out the cobwebs, so I doodle.

And doodle some more.
This looks kike a really neat lady, didn't finish her middle, but she was supposed to represent my feelings about binging on any food I could find that night.  But she doesn't look miserable, like I did, she looks fun.
Does that tell me something??  

Now we are into some sill sketches.
I decided the heart I drew looked like a nose...he looks like a  pig with really big ears doesn't he?

and he led to these critters.

I must apologize this is out of focus, but my camera needed to be charged, and this  is too big for the scanner.
This is no where near finished.  Hopefully, I will someday.
It's going to be a strange forest...I think I was in Alice in Wonderland mode again.
Years ago, my husband brought me some water soluble crayons from Switzerland.  This picture looked like a crayon sketch...just add water...and what a difference.  (I think I used too much water though because it bleed a little)

Now, we start on the hearts.
Lots and lots of hearts, none of them finished.

Just because hearts are drawn close together doesn't mean they are to be put together.
These are all just sketches.  Most have not been shaded.
And the finished product will be colored.

Funny, I really thought there were even more hearts, but this is the last page.
The two in the upper right, are not meant to be together.  They just ran over each other.

Silly drawing.  Someone mentioned a whirly gig, and I came up with this.
Well, I started this, I never finished it, after all, a whirly-gig just calls out for color.
And I don't think it should have a large tentacled arm....but he just popped up.

Another doodle, just a doodle.  The stars, moon, sun,  rain, wind, earth, and life (plants).
Just a day inside my brain.

Another unfinished piece...this one may never get finished.
 Things went a bit sideways, and now I just don't like it as much.

This will get finished.
I'm making this for my neuroradiologist, because even if this doesn't work, she gave me hope.
This will have color, so you will see the word better after everything is colored in.

This post has been shared on Creative Every Day.

That's all for this week folks.  Hopefully, I'll get back to my ladies this coming week.
But it doesn't really matter what I'm drawing, as long as I'm accomplishing something.

One day at a time.

Oh and a shout out to my Fish Friends.  (you know who you are.)

Sketches from Sept. 28th - October 9th.

**Yes, I have been playing around with my blog...and I'm sure I'm not finished yet.  If you visited on Sunday right after this was originally posted, you probably saw a number a different looks.
Please, bear with me, I'm fickle lately.  : )


Before I post the things I've been working on, I'd like to make sure everyone notices the the new tab at the top of the blog: Gallery Of My Older Work.  For those of you who have been curious about what I was doing before I got sick and took a long hiatus from creating art, I posted some pictures of a sampling from those years.  This is not complete.  It doesn't include any of my photography, I may do that later.  However, I think you will find it interesting.  I was surprised to find how many patterns I included in a lot of my old work.


Now, on to what I've been doing the last 11 days.  I am happy to say, I have created something every day!  Yes, I'm still bed bound, so I'm limited in my mediums.  One day, I'll branch out and work on some more art that is releasing.  (like collages, and masks....things we can do to express more of our feelings.)

September 28th - October 9th

Another Journal Entry...
I missed another friend's birthday party.
I miss my friends. That has been the hardest part about dealing with being ill.

Hubby said this should be named Cthulhu...that started cracks about Krakens...and all kinds of creatures.  Until, I shouted, "Help, a Kraken ate my Dingo!"  Then we cracked up, and even though my head was hurting, and I was dizzy, it was a good time.
 (It's the little things that get you through the day.)

A variety of sketches.
Much of my sketch book looks something like this, or a bit less refined.  I have shaved you from the more messy variations.

Another Sketch.  I like Round things.

More Roundness.

Rough Sketch, trying out some new things, and combinations.

These were inspired by Henna Tattoos.

I could not figure out if this was finished, or what else I might like to do with it.  may play with some color...I just don't know....but that's the way it is sometimes..at least for me.

My hubby, Stuart, loves these big bulbous designs, so I decided to make one just for him!  There is not bottom or top, but he likes it this way.
I just squiggled some lines on the page and filled them in.
But that's the way a lot of these designs start.

Lady with the Wild Hair.
What is she looking at?

My first lady drawing with patterns.
I call her Cheeks.

My image of ME.

I awoke from a dream thinking about this, scrbbled on a piece of paper I keep by my bed.  "Eye"
I drew the eye first, then added things.  At first, I really didn't think this was going to work, but now...I really like it.
While I was drawing this I was thinking about how much I have insomnia lately, and want to enter the dream word that beckons me.

Speaking of insomnia, I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep, and this idea came to me.  I had to draw it right then!
I turned on the light and got busy.
This window is very representational of how I feel about things right now.
The upper left represents how the vertigo (and my illness in general) makes me feel like a prisoner.
The lower left, represents how tangled my emotions are.
The lower right, shows a ball breaking out of the window.  This represents my attempts to break away from being defined by my illness, and fighting to get better.
The upper right, represents the liberation I'm feeling lately.
I feel more confident, more productive....  
I realized recently that as much as I've been an advocate for myself in the medical world, 
I wasn't taking up for myself in the real world.


This is one of my most favorite pieces, because it has so much of me in it.
Finally, I'm realizing, 
I do love me, no matter how my body is treating me.

More Recent Doodles and Journal Entries

What?  Vestibular Disorders are complicated.

I was playing around with the leaf pattern I was making, and it turned in to this.
A touch of Fall.

Magic Mushrooms?  Perhaps... they make me smile, and that's pretty magical.

A small tangle doodle.  Simple, yet it just feels right.
Hubby loves this piece.  The actual piece is about 3" in diameter.

I have no idea what to put in the hole.
I've decided to print out a copy and play with it to see what I might like...or I might just leave it blank.
I was thinking it would make a nice card, and I could put a message in the hole....hummm,
Little story about how this drawing came about:
Finally, hubby admits he needs some help.  So we decided to have someone come in to clean our house.
First, a woman comes out and looks at the house and gives you a price, then they set up an appointment.
While he was showing her the house, I drew this little doodle with the hole in it....was that my subconscious relating just how I don't feel like a whole person any longer?   Or did I just get stuck?

I really love this piece, but I don't feel that it scanned very well.  I tried it more than once,  but the colors just aren't what they should be.  (the background is a blue tint, not grey)
Stuart said it looked like it would be in Alice in Wonderland, that's why it's titled "Alice's Garden"
But after looking at it, I see a bit of Dr. Seuss in there.
It was fun!  I like circles!  There isn't an up or down on this drawing.  It's equally fun from all angles.
I may do another one of these and color it with ink instead of colored pencils...that would be bright!
Of course, it would not be the same...no two mushroom gardens are alike.

Yes, I am still doing a drawing journal.
Here's one entry I thought I'd share.

"The tears have been shed.
The lines have been drawn.
Do we dare to cross?
Do we dare to dream again?
The tears have flowed like rivers down our faces.
The mourning continues.
How do we hope again?
How do we believe?

I was sitting on the couch and noticed the remote for the TV.
I started to think about how much less TV I watch now than I used to.
When I first got tinnitus, I would keep the TV on all the time just for the noise so I wouldn't notice the buzzing in my ears so much.
Now, the tinnitus gets so loud I can't stand any other sounds.
The only time I watch TV now is if it has closed captioning.
Thank goodness for those shows and movies that have good closed captioning.
(some of it is really bad!)

Few, it's been a busy drawing week, and this is only the things I feel are OK enough to share.  I have pages and pages of patterns I'm trying out.

When you are bed bound, and the world spins a lot of the time, it's nice to have something to do that settles things down, and makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something.

Journal and Drawing - Early September

Playing with the Inktense.

Deciding on what to draw with.  Pens, pencils...does it matter?
Or am I just stalling...
Decided to draw this indecision...a great way to get started.

Finding Me again.
I will not be defined by my illness!

After a hard day.
In need of the Sun,
but welcoming the rain.
"....The tears fall from the sky, as they land on my face they blend with the wetness already there -
I am grateful to the Rain."

2 days of random drawing.
Learning to be much more comfortable just doodling, and accepting "mistakes" while drawing with a  pen.
It's just a different, not a "mistake".

Close up.  The spider was a "mistake"...a blob...oops...I made it a spider.  : )

I didn't plan to draw a person.
Where did she come from?
Drawn with dots....I like pointillism.