To My Husband

Everyday He Loves Me

He holds my hair as my world spins

leaving me a wretched mess.

He brings me food

washes my body

cares for our home

He holds me

comforts me

helps me fight my battles.

He kisses me

caresses me

loves every part of me

To him I am no burden-

He loves me.

Everyday He Loves Me.

He watches me get my hopes up-

and holds me when they fall.

The words are so nice to hear,

but so easy to say.

Every day, he shows he loves me.

How can I write a tribute to a man who has given me so much?

The words seem to lose their potency after leaving my heart.

How do I express how much I love him?

My heart swells with emotions and words that will not come forth.

This man who shows his love each and every day.

Sometimes my Caregiver,

Often my Lover,

Always my Champion,

Forever my Hero,

My Husband,

My Friend.

I love you more than words can say.

My Worlds

For the past 12 days I've been battling with vertigo on a daily basis.  (if you want details please see my other blog Picnic with Ants.)
One night while I was up with slosh head but not completely spinning, I wrote this:

image by oldmanriver  Deviant Art

I live in a different world than you.

My body tries to exist in your world.

But my brain, my inner being, 

does not belong.

Her world is constantly in motion,

ever spinning, faster and faster...

I try to stay in your world,

My inner world frightens me.

Torn in two.

Part cannot exist in this world, 

the pull from the other is so strong.

Part cannot exist in the horrors of the other.

Ever searching to become whole.

To no longer be afraid.

Ever searching to understand.

Do I belong in the world in which I feel safer?

Or am I doomed to the world of constant motion?

The spinning, spinning, constant spinning.

Never feeling solid ground beneath my feet.

Where do I belong?

Or am I ever fated to live a life with a foot in each world?

(living with Vertigo)

My Mask - Me, Inside and Out

Judith Westerfield over at Creativity to the Max has facilitated workshops where the participants paint/color/collage...a mask that expresses their feelings.

A few months ago Judy sent me a mask to decorate, finally I have been feeling well enough to work on it.

As Judy suggested, I decorated the Outside, and the Inside of the mask.  The Outside shows what I show to every day people, those who don't know me well enough to know my health issues, or those I simply do not what to see the inner me.  The Inside shows how I feel about me, the things I only show with a few or keep to myself.  (If you read my other blog Picnic with Ants, you probably won't be surprised by the Inner Me, however, you may learn a little bit more about me.)

A dear friend once said, "If I had to describe you as a color, you'd be Yellow."
(Funny, it just so happens that my favorite color is Yellow!)
She explained, yellow is a happy color, full of light, life and joy.
I thought that was one of the best compliments I've ever received.
I realize now that I still try to put that Yellow Self forward.
She's the person I try to show others.
Miss Mary Sunshine.

Side view of my outer persona.

Inside, I'm much more complicated.
Below you will find close up views of my Inner Self.
You will notice many contradictory thoughts.
As I said...I'm complicated. 

For the inner part of the mask, I painted the face, then I cut out a bunch of words and some pictures from different magazines.  I then started looking through the words and just picked up the words that shouted at me.  I knew these words best described how I am feeling at the moment.  I didn't use a lot of pictures, the water running from my eye, the heart that seems to be leaking - broken, for a nose.

This was a great exercise. It helped me realize that I have very conflicting thoughts and emotions about myself, and that's OK.  I think it's normal to have these conflicts.  I'm not a machine or made with a cookie cutter, I'm a complicated woman!  I'm full of emotions, thoughts, and beliefs.  Over the mouth you will see the words "I Hate You", it's not unusual for me to tell myself that, but right beside it you will find the words "Easy to Love"...Sometimes I hate myself, but I remember to love myself too.  (often I just hate the things that are happening to me, not actually me.)
The one quote I find the most comforting, is "I'm beautiful on the Inside".

Thoughts as I try to sleep....

Sleep...

Up...Down...Up....Down

Sleep alludes me

as he slumbers beside me 

.

Up...Down...Up...Down

asleep beside me

breathing softly

Up...Down...Up...Down

I can no longer hear

the reassuring sound

In...Out...In...Out

After a moment
our breath in unison

In...Out...In...Out

Oh, to join him in slumber
 alas, I can only watch

Up...Down...Up...Down


Wendy Holcombe Jan. 2012

How I feel today in Color.

A quick post.

This is how I feel today, actually how I've been feeling most of the week.

Happy Thoughts

Hope you are having Happy Days.

I've had a pretty good week.  After a rough start at the beginning, the week ended up being pretty darn good.  I was more active than I've been in a long time.  : )

Revisiting with Color

Recently, I've been looking at some of my work and decided to revisit some of them.

It was suggested after my last post that I add color to all of the stack drawings.  As requested, you can see two of the stacks colored below....

Stacked Boxes with Color

"WENDY" stack with color.
I'm afraid WENDY may be a bit lost with all the color.
I do like coloring the background, that's different for me with my designs.

I also revisited the Mystery Woman.  Not sure I'm finished with her, and may start again...but she's so mysterious she just isn't talking to me much, I do wish she'd tell me what she would prefer.

Mystery Woman with Color

For all of the work above, I scanned the original images and have been playing around with the colors on Photoshop.

With all of my health issues, it's nice to be able to lose myself in my art.

The Meniere's has been being nice lately.  When I do feel a bit of vertigo, it either doesn't last long, or my medication has been keeping the nasty spells away.

I'm still having some balance problems, but I'm only 1 1/2 months into my 3 month recovery.  I'm still very hopeful this surgery will help reduce the vertigo attacks to the point that I can be more active.

Trying hard to get back in the swing of things to create something every day, even if I don't completely finish something, I try to do a little every day.

One day last week I created a new recipe for Chicken Alfredo.  I'm so happy to be getting back in the kitchen again.  I haven't been able to cook every day, but I'm cooking much more than I have in the past few months.  (another way I like to create!)  

Creating art comes in many different forms.  I enjoy drawing, painting...all kinds of art, but I also enjoy cooking, and gardening.

  

What kind of creating do you like to do?  

A New Year...time to get Creative.

After my surgery on December 1st, I couldn't do much creating for some time.  December was not a month for being creative.  Well, not artistically anyway.  I did have to get creative about things like, how to get to the bathroom, how to take a bath, what I could eat....creation abounded, simply not any I could easily share, or that would really mean much to anyone but me.

I find it very hard to get started posting again after I've been away for a while.  But I'm doing it!

The little bit of drawing I've done recently has taken days to do each piece, instead of completing something in one night.  The slosh head feeling and migraines have not been friendly to me.

I saw on someone's blog (darn'it I can't remember who) that they tried something called Repeated Stacking Patterns they saw on The Rainbow Elephant.  So I tried my hand at it to get me started again.  It has been fun.

Hope you Enjoy.

Happy New Year!  Stack Design.

This was my first Repeated Stacking Pattern,
and in a lot of ways it's still my favorite.

First Pattern colored with Photoshop.

Stacking Boxes....or maybe more presents!
Celebrate Christmas all year long!
I think I should color this one, looks like it'd be fun.

Playing with my name.
Just being a kid again.